Lori Hodges, resident of Fort Collins, CO and author of Shaking in the Forest: Finding Light in The Darkness, has released a deeply inspiring memoir that reveals how trauma, loss, and adversity can fuel personal growth and transformation. Lori's journey from paramedic and emergency manager to personal resilience advocate provides a unique lens on how facing life-and-death situations professionally shaped her approach to personal challenges.

Q: What inspired you to write Shaking in the Forest: Finding Light in the Darkness?
LH: I was at a conference where many of the speakers discussed the mental toll on emergency responders and emergency managers, and after hearing all the negative consequences of our field for a full day, I felt discouraged. I have worked my entire career in a field where we see people on their worst days. This does take a toll. But I have also found that there is beauty in tragedy. There is a collateral beauty that comes from times of hardship and stress, and I don’t want people to forget that or miss it when it happens. For example, there is nothing more beautiful than a sunset or sunrise during a wildfire. It is only possible because of a destructive force nearby. For this reason, I decided to write a book about experiences I have gone through in my life and as a paramedic and to illustrate the beauty in chaos at the same time. 

Q: How did your experiences as a firefighter, paramedic, and emergency manager influence your decision to write this book?
LH: I have always kept a journal. A few years ago, I pulled out my journals from my time when I worked as a paramedic and firefighter and just loved looking back at the calls I ran and the stories from that time. I started writing them down and tying lessons I learned about life. This became the basis of the book, Shaking in the Forest. 

Q: You describe dealing with trauma and loss in the book. How did writing about those experiences impact your personal healing journey?
LH: Writing about the paramedic/firefighter calls was nostalgic. I fondly remembered my time as a first responder, even though many of the calls were challenging when they happened. As I wrote, however, I wove in personal memories and trauma that I experienced – both as a child and as an adult. My relationship with my father was tricky at best. Writing my memories down helped me to process much of the trauma I endured in my childhood, ultimately allowing me to forgive my father along the way. The process was cathartic and assisted in my own journey of healing and becoming a better human. 

Q: Can you share more about your philosophy of finding beauty in tragedy, a theme throughout the book?
LH: I have a sign in my office that says, “Chaos: Where Great Dreams Begin.” This sign is there to remind me that chaos is the great teacher. Only through chaotic events are we shaken enough to truly start living a different way. It is a wake-up call. In my work, we always look back on the large incidents we work on and ask what we could or would do differently. We learn from every experience and grow from it for the future. This allows us to do better next time. Life is similar. The bigger the event, the more we learn and grow. I am not saying that tragedy itself is welcomed – only that when it happens, we should each look out for the collateral beauty left behind that ultimately makes us stronger. 

Q: In the introduction, you mention embracing both darkness and light in life. How did you develop this mindset, and what advice would you give to others facing adversity?
LH: When I first started as an emergency manager, managing disasters in my community, I was always nervous. I felt I had to know everything to ensure I wouldn’t fail. I had great anxiety that when a disaster occurred, I would not know what to do, and people’s lives would be in my hands. Then, I attended courses through the Center for Homeland Defense and Security at the Naval Postgraduate School, and I learned about Chaos Theory. This theory is all about randomness and unpredictability. After reading more about this theory and the idea of complexity, I realized that these concepts describe my disaster management work. Suddenly, I felt free. I realized I would never know everything because every disaster is different, and we cannot predict the future. Instead, we get the right people in the room and figure complex problems out as they happen. 

I would say that the same mindset is true for others facing adversity. So many times, the root of anxiety is a fear of what might happen. If we develop more of a Stoic mindset and understand that we cannot possibly know what will happen in the future, we can let go and maybe enjoy the ride. So much is out of our control. Instead, develop the tools needed so that you can handle whatever comes your way – a mental resilience that allows for unpredictability and chaos. 

Q: Can you explain how your career in emergency services helped you view chaos as an opportunity for personal growth?
LH: As a new paramedic, I was not allowed to go near my patient. Instead, my mentor made me stand at the door and tell everyone in the room what they needed to do. No one would move until I gave them direction. As time went by, I realized why this was so important. As a paramedic, I was responsible for everyone in the room – the patient, firefighters, my partner, the family, etc. If I paid too much attention to the patient, I would lose sight of the bigger picture. Instead, I had to take a step back and take it all in. The same is true in life. We all get tunnel vision if we don’t take the time to step back and take it all in. By doing that, you will see so much more of the world around you. You will see both the good and the bad and will ultimately learn, grow, and thrive. 

Q: You’ve faced numerous life challenges, including childhood trauma. How did these experiences shape your resilience, as discussed in the book?
LH: I have learned that through trauma, we all develop coping mechanisms. Some of these lead to increased stress, while others lead to post-traumatic growth. For example, I developed several coping mechanisms from childhood trauma that ended up creating an excellent career. I literally have a career where my job is to look for the pitfalls and the bottom to drop out of any situation. This was a learned response from living with an abusive alcoholic that has turned into a skill that is highly valued in disaster preparedness. On the other hand, I have learned recently that because of the experiences of my childhood, I have been living with my amygdala activated at all times, meaning that I am in fight-or-flight mode 24/7. This is not a healthy coping mechanism and can cause both mental and physical health problems. By learning this, I have been able to work with someone to develop the skills needed to rewire my brain for a healthier response. I am learning to slow down my brain and let my amygdala take an extended vacation now and then.  

Q: Throughout the book, you share powerful stories of survival and recovery. What do you hope readers will take away from these stories?
LH: First, I want everyone to know that none of us has to go through tragedy alone. Everyone faces hardships, and everyone has days that are darker than the rest. But when this happens, there are people who are there to help get you through. And when you face that dark day, just remember that with a bit of time, it always gets better and the light shines again. You just have to give it some time to see through the fog of life and face a bright, shiny day again. 

Q: Your career often required you to witness human suffering. How did you protect your mental health while continuing to work in such an intense field?
LH: I am highly empathic, so I tend to feel the emotions of others more. Therefore, early in my career I learned how to both help people and protect myself simultaneously. As paramedics, our crews would often get together following a particularly difficult call and have a meal. This would give us all time to process, an ear to listen, and a family to support. We all used humor as a coping mechanism, so the meals were also a lot of fun to relieve the day's stress. The other action I often take is to get outside. I walk outside daily with my dogs and use that time to decompress and rest my mind. When the stress of a call or an incident gets to be too much, I take a break and go for a walk. It always helps. 

Q: How do you define post-traumatic growth, and why is it an important concept in your book?
LH: Post-traumatic growth is a relatively new term for me, but I really like it. For me, the term means taking the experiences you face in your life and making something good from them. For example, my ability to build a successful career from the coping mechanisms I created as a child to protect myself from harm. This is an example of a positive coping mechanism that allowed me to build strength from adversity. I am a strong believer in the quote by Friedrich Nietzsche where he said, “Out of life's school of war—what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.” Each of us can choose to be defined by the horrible things that happen to us in life, or we can choose to learn, grow, adapt, and become stronger. I choose strength. 

Q: What message do you hope readers, especially those in emergency services, will take from your experiences of fear and resilience?
LH: Every experience in our lives leaves a mark, whether it is a mark on our physical, our mental, or our spiritual health. Over time, these experiences can build up and negatively affect our lives. Never be afraid to seek out help. Our field is notoriously bad at admitting that we need help, but everyone needs help at some point in their lives. I hope with this book to open the conversation about mental health and to illustrate how I have taken the lessons I have learned throughout my healing process to create a more fulfilling life.  

Q: In the book, you talk about learning to listen to your intuition. How did this skill evolve during your career, and how did it influence your personal life?
LH: When I worked as a paramedic, I often got a feeling about a call – this is often called a gut instinct. Emergency responders always talk about the gut instinct, and you learn to listen to what it is trying to tell you. Often, I would get a feeling that I should leave a scene just before everything went downhill. But I didn’t truly embrace my intuition until I began getting stomachaches every time, I had a shift where someone was going to die. I would wake up and go to work like normal, but as the call got closer, my stomach would summersault, and I’d get horrible butterflies, making me know something was coming. The feeling would worsen until the call finally came in, and then it would abruptly stop. I came to understand that this meant the call would involve a death. Over time, I started sharing with my EMS partners when this would happen. Some were more open about it than others but after a while, they saw what I did. I had a sixth sense about specific calls. Now, I embrace my intuition and always follow my gut instinct. If it tells me harm is coming, I listen and change my course of action. I have also learned that the more I pay attention to my body, the better I feel overall and the better my mental health. 

Q: You’ve shared that humor played a vital role in coping with difficult situations. Can you talk about how humor helped you navigate trauma?
LH: People in emergency services and emergency management are known to have rather dark humor. I was once with a few of our ambulance crews eating lunch at a restaurant, talking and laughing, when I looked around and saw the appalled looks on the faces of those around us. Humor is a common coping mechanism used in this field to get through the bad days. You cannot survive in a field where every day is someone’s worst day without developing ways to process the trauma. Humor is a powerful way to de-stress, lighten the mood, and help your co-workers cope with the horrors of life. Now, when I enter the Emergency Operations Center during a disaster, I try to infuse humor in my briefings and my talks with people in the room. It is incredible to feel how much this action changes the room's temperature and helps others to get through their day positively. 

Q: You discuss the concept of “embracing the chaos” throughout the book. How has this perspective helped you in both your professional and personal life?
LH: I now know that I cannot control everything, and that life is unpredictable. Therefore, I have learned to let things go when I can, focus on what is in my control, and move through the unknown until I find a pattern that will give me the answers I need. The Stoic philosophy has helped with this mindset as well as the study of chaos theory. Just do your best with what you have; everything will begin to come together, showing you a way out of chaos toward brighter times.  

Q: What was the most difficult part of the book to write, emotionally or practically?
LH: The most difficult part of the book emotionally was processing and re-living the sexual assault from my early 20s. I mainly had blocked out that time in my life and hadn’t revisited the experience or the feelings that followed. Writing it all down helped me tremendously, but it also brought back a lot of emotions and memories that were difficult to take in one more time. I had feelings of inadequacy, guilt, fear, and shame. But in writing it and talking about it since then, I have learned to process those emotions and no longer carry them with me. 

From a practical perspective, the most challenging part of the book was finding the glue that pulled all the individual stories together. Initially, it was meant to be standalone stories from when I worked as a paramedic, with some lessons I learned along the way. But in the end, I realized that the key lessons were all related to how we cope with trauma. So, I added in personal recollections and my own childhood trauma to illustrate how I have used each lesson along the way.  

Q: The book has elements of memoir, self-help, and philosophical reflection. How did you balance these genres?
LH: I am just really bad at picking a genre! Seriously, I believe everyone has a story to tell and each life has lessons for us to learn. Most memoirs have teaching points within the story, words of wisdom from the author to the reader. Conversely, most inspirational books or self-help have personal recollections. The two really go hand in hand. Who takes advice from someone who has never faced any turmoil they write about? The people who have gone through hell and come out the other side have much to teach us about life and resilience. 

Q: You write about the importance of finding light in the darkest moments. What advice would you give to readers who are currently in their own 'dark forest'?
LH: My advice would be that in every dark forest, a path can eventually be followed to reach an opening to a beautiful meadow filled with wildflowers where the sun shines brightly. We must keep moving through the bad to get to the other side. I also know that it is incredibly difficult to see when you are in a dark place. You cannot fathom a way out. In those times, I tell myself that I will just give it one more day. I believe that if I give myself one more day, things will get better. Then, the next day, if I am still in the dark, I just have to wait one more day. This makes the insurmountable seem possible. It is just one day, then everything will get better. Finally, I give myself a timeline to wallow. I will give myself 30 minutes to truly get deep in my depression or my anger or my sadness. Then I get up, wipe my eyes, and take action to change the situation I am in. Without action, nothing will change. So, I give myself a bit of grace to feel how I am feeling – truly wallow in it. Then I get back to work.  

Q: What are your hopes for how Shaking in the Forest will inspire and impact readers?
LH: Many people who have read Shaking in the Forest have mentioned that they saw something of themselves in the stories – something they faced or went through or a lesson they learned from tragedy. I think this is what I want most from this book – to help people see the good in the bad and see their own strength and resilience in the book's pages. 

Q: At the start of your career, what do you wish you had known? 
LH: I wish I had known that I would never have all the answers. Life is full of unknowns and no matter how much you educate yourself, there will still be problems or challenges that you face where you will not have the answers. Having this knowledge is incredibly freeing. It allowed me to let go of the stress of trying to learn everything. Instead, I depend upon my knowledge, expertise, and my relationships with others. I hone the skills needed to be a critical thinker so that when I am faced with a seemingly insurmountable challenge, I can work through it and I know who else may be able to assist in the process.  

Q: What advice would you give to young women who want to succeed in the workplace?
LH: Don’t make excuses, accept responsibility, work with integrity, and know who you are and are not willing to do in your work. I have a set of principles that I have promised myself I will never break. This keeps me anchored and ensures I will find work that I not only enjoy but that I know will not change who I am fundamentally. My integrity is important to me so I will make choices to honor that. Know who you are, what you want, and go out and find it. Finally, never accept mediocrity. 

Q: Can you tell us how you manage your work life balance?
LH: Work life balance is incredibly difficult for someone like me because I absolutely love what I do for work. It is difficult to turn it off at the end of the day. I have learned, however, that I can be more effective in my work if I find creative outlets outside of the workplace. I am someone who likes to be busy so I find hobbies and tasks I can do to ensure I have balance such as hiking, walks in the park with my dogs, gardening, scrapbooking, writing, and reading. I am also a big puzzler. The key is to find those things in life that you enjoy and ensure you create the time to work a little and play a little. If you are as lucky as I am, both will bring you great joy. 

Q: What's your advice for women in male-dominated fields?
LH: I have spent my entire career in male-dominated fields. My advice for women who choose this path is to never think of it as a male-dominated field. Own it! I never once thought of myself as a woman in a man’s position. I thought of myself as a teammate, a colleague, a partner. I also never felt imposter syndrome. If I achieved a position, it meant I was meant to be there to do that job – just like anyone else in the same position. Because of this, I never allowed anyone or anything to hold me back. I just powered through regardless of the obstacles in my path.  

Five Things About Lori Hodges 

1. What was the last book you really got into?
I am an avid reader and have read over 200 books so far this year, so this is a difficult but fun question. I recently discovered the fantasy genre which opened an entirely new library to me. I am also really into historical fiction books and love anything written about World War II. Therefore, to answer this question, I would say that the Divine Rivals duology was a set of books that I just loved. It is a fantasy duology, but it feels like a WWII novel. Think You’ve Got Mail meets War Journalism meets fantasy - incredibly interesting story. 

2. What’s the most amazing adventure you’ve ever been on?
I was an extra on the movie Honeymoon in Vegas when I was in my early 20s living in Las Vegas, Nevada. I was paid $200 each day to hang out on the set of the movie, play cards in the Vegas showrooms, and watch the flying Elvises skydive out of airplanes onto the tarmac where we were all watching. It was the first time in my life where I was part of something large and extraordinary. 

3. Who is your favorite author?
My favorite author is Ray Bradbury and my favorite work of his is Fahrenheit 451. I read this book at least once a year and learn something new each and every time. It is a book about banning books that was once a banned book. It is all about the value of critical thinking and the dangers of misinformation and authoritarian policies. Ray Bradbury wrote such lovely books and short stories. My favorite short story is called the Fog Horn – so hauntingly beautiful. 

4. Tell me about the best vacation you’ve ever taken.
After paramedic school, I backpacked through Europe for six weeks. I was in my late 20s, and I am glad that I took the time to see a bit of the world at that time because it would have been much more difficult at an older age. I traveled by train and saw my ancestor’s homeland of Scotland and Ireland, as well as six other countries. 9/11 happened four weeks into my trip and because of this I saw an outpouring of love towards Americans everywhere I visited.  

5. Have you ever met anyone famous? Who?
Last year, I went on vacation to Hawaii and while there, I attended a Supernatural Convention where I got to meet Misha Collins, DJ Qualls, Felicia Day, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki. I also attended a small gathering with singer/songwriter, Jason Manns. He was just lovely to talk to and all the actors were so kind and fun to be around. 

About:

Lori Hodges, author of Shaking in The Forest: Finding Light in the Darkness, has over 30 years of experience in emergency services and management, starting as a firefighter and paramedic in Summit County, Colorado, and later working at both local and state levels. She holds two master’s degrees—one in Security Studies from the Naval Postgraduate School and another in Political Science and Public Policy from CU Denver—as well as a bachelor's in Emergency Management and Planning. Currently pursuing a PhD in Business Strategy and Innovation, Lori is researching how to transform emergency management for future challenges. An author and industry thought leader, her work spans multiple publications on leadership and disaster response, along with her historical fiction novel Sweet Twisted Pine, an award finalist in Western fiction.